| Author | Topic: Genesis (Read 73 times) |
Aquamarine New Member
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*paint the world beautiful coulors and admire it proudly!*
Joined: Feb 2006 Gender: Female  Posts: 37 Location: Narnia Karma: 0 |  | Genesis « Thread Started on Dec 24, 2006, 1:01am » | |
Name:Genesis Age:3 Gender:female Race:Griffon Powers:wind, fire and psychic abilities Description: She is a light brown colour with golden eyes and yellow beak. She has sharp long claws and a long lion tail with big light brown wings. She also has a ruby amulet around her neck. the ruby shape changes from a crescent moon to a heart or to a star with a ring of gold around it. Personality: She is sometimes stubborn but mostly agrees. She is careful but can also be independant. Beleive it or not but she was once cold but you can;t blame her of her past resons... History: When only a hatchling her mother had died leaving her with her father and siblings alone. When she was only a few months old her father went out and never came back.. Owner/Mount: human elamentalist named angel fire Side:good side
| let your words of wisdom run free... like a fish in the sea... letting your eyes peek... what you never thought they would seek...
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Aquamarine New Member
 member is offline
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*paint the world beautiful coulors and admire it proudly!*
Joined: Feb 2006 Gender: Female  Posts: 37 Location: Narnia Karma: 0 |  | Re: Genesis « Reply #1 on Dec 25, 2006, 11:09pm » | |
hope ya like i !
| let your words of wisdom run free... like a fish in the sea... letting your eyes peek... what you never thought they would seek...
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Niki Melissa Creator
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Joined: Feb 2006 Gender: Female  Posts: 120 Location: Narnia Karma: 10 |  | Re: Genesis « Reply #2 on Jan 15, 2007, 10:16am » | |
I'm amazed... you finished a character in two days! Sorry if I'm being too critical with all that, but most of your charries don't get completed right away, or even at all. A few edits: Grammar mistakes o'plenty. Misplaced modifier or something along those lines in the description, capitalization needs to be fixed as well; you misspelled "independent" in the personality section, as well as "reasons"; some other stuff in there makes no sense. I won't fix this for you as you should find the nonsensical parts yourself, and I must note that you should explain the amulet, why her father left, etc. More detail would be nice.
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